THE WINNING TECHNIQUES

We give below some of the techniques which can be adopted for good communication and interpersonal relationship with people. You may be using these techniques emperically and without giving a name to the technique. However, when you learn the technique unser a proper name, you will not miss out to adopt the technique in an appropriate situation.

1. 'Yes.. but...' Technique:

The technique here is not to say 'No' in the beginning of our response. Even when a person asks you to do something which you cannot do (or he talks about an impossible situation), it is advisable for you not to contradict/ refuse / deny in the very first word of your reply. This is based on the fact that no one would like to hear 'No', a refusal or a denial in the very first word.

For example, imagine that a person gives you a job and says that you should do the job on the same day itself. Let us also imagine that you have other pending jobs due to which you can commence the job only the next day. You have two options to respond. The first option is to say "No, it is not possible. I have other jobs. I will do your job tomorrow". if you use 'yes.. but.. technique', you would reply like this: 'Yes, I understand your urgency. However, I right now have other pending jobs due to which I will commence your job tomorrow and will complete it by tomorrow evening".By using 'Yes.. but..' technique, you derive the following advantages:

a. You will not irritate the listener by telling a negative remark in the beginning of your reply.

b. Your reply will look more optimistic and positive.

c. The other person will be able to understand your situation much better.However, it should be noted that in your over ambition to use 'Yes.. but..' technique, you should not dilute the meaning, content or the spirit of your reply. You will have to firmly speak out your opinion. The technique only demands that you deny or refuse in the later part of your reply and not in the very beginning of your reply.

2. 'SANDWICH' TECHNIQUE:

The purpose of this technique is to ensure that the mental irritation caused by the listener is reduced. The technique says that whenever you have to make an unfavourable statement (i.e., the statement which is unfavourable to the other person), speak out a favourable statement before and another favourable statement after the unfavourable statement. Which means, the unfavourable or negative statement gets sandwiched in between the two favourable or positive statements.

For example, imagine that a customer comments that the price of your product is high. if you use a sandwich technique, you will reply to him as: "The quality of our products is one of the best (this is a favourable statement). You may, of course, find the price a little higher (unfavourable statement). However, considering the service and the quality of our product, we wish to clarify that the price infact is not high (favourable statement).

By using the sandwich technique, the mental irritation of the customer on the price of your product will get reduced because it is sandwiched between two favourable or positive statements. This technique is also based on the fact that people tend to remember what-ever was spoken in the very beginning and whatever was spoken at the close of a communication more than what is heard in between. Since the commencement of your reply and the closing of your reply are positive and favourable, the listener takes the intermediatory statement positively and may give out a favourable decision to you.

3. 'BACK ON TRACK' TECHNIQUE:

This technique should be used whenever the other person deviates from the subject of discussion. Sometimes, people get distracted and get deviated from the main issue. In such an instance, if you tell the listener abruptly or curtly that he had deviated (i.e., What he is speaking now has no relevance to the topic of the discussion), he may feel hurt and offended. This hurtful feeling may influence his further communication with you. To ensure that this does not happen, whenever a person deviated from the main topic, you should speak a sentence or two on the deviated topic and slowly link it to the main topic in an implied, discreet and non complaining manner.

For example, let us say that you have been talking about the guarantee or warranty of your product and that the customer says 'Now a days, we cannot believe anyone. The other day, I bought a voltage stabilizer and it went out of order third day and the salesman never bothered to come to him to fix the problem. etc., etc.,,"

Now you an have option to say, "I have nothing to do with the voltage stabilizer. I have come here to discuss about my product". This will only irritate the listener and he may feel offended. Instead, when you use the 'Back-on-track' technique, you would say "Yes, I appreciate your difficulty and it is very difficult to experience a bad service from any sales person (becauseof poor quality of the product). That is the reason why, for our product, we give a guarante of 5 years and here is the Guarantee Card and etc., etc.,' You have now slowly brought him on your side and topic (i.e., Your product warranty). You have spoken few sentences regarding the voltage stabilizer (althoug it is irrelevant to your product) and slowly linked it to your subject i.e., the warranty of your product.

4. 'TANGENTIAL' TECHNIQUE:

This is a very important technique to be used whenever a controversial topic comes up for discussion. The technique is based on the fact that, whenever you irritate or emotionally hurt the feelings of the other person, the bad feeling will have an effect on the subsequent discussion.

Especially, emotive issues tend to disturd the person more powerfully than rational, logical or professional issues. Afterall, emotions are more powerful than logics. That is why Emotional Quotient (EQ) is more powerful than IQ (intelligent Quotient). Tangential technique says that when a controversial topic (which does not deal directly with the main subject) crops up, speak a few sentences which are non-committal in nature and then get on to the main topic.

Do not make any strong or categorical statement on the controversial topic.Let us say a communication starts with the other person telling you, "So, how are you? yesterday evening, we had a party. We had brought a person who prepares very delicious non-vegetarian food. He prepared very tasty food and everyone enjoyed". Let us also imagine that you are a strict vegetarian and you hate non-vegetarian food. And if you make any comment which is against non-vegetarian food, that would irritate the other person and this irritation will have its negative influence on the professional discussions (for which you had gone to him). On the other hand, you cannot talk in favour of non-vegetarian food since you honestly do not like non-vegetarian food. It is in such delicate situations that you have to use 'tangential' technique. You could reply him like this: "Yes, different people like different types of food. It's good that you had a good time eating tasty food. Let's now discuss regarding the pending invoice.."

5. 'BROKEN RECORD" TECHNIQUE:

This is a very important technique which should be used only as a last resort when there are no options left for you to convince the other person. The technique is that you speak out your firm decision without assigning any reason or justifying it.

Let us say that a person is demanding that you should complete the job tomorrow. It is impossible for you to do so due to other jobs. You will, of course, give various reasons explaining why it cannot be done tomorrow and why you need further two days. It may be that you have other pending jobs or you need certain clarification to commence the job or, for that matter, any other reason.

Let's also imagine that the listener is very adamant and is not willing to understand your reasons. After exhausting all reasons and possibilities, you will arrive at a stage, where you feel that there is no point in explaining the reasons to the person because he is refusing to understand your point of view. It is at this point of time that you should use 'Broken Record" technique. You could say 'Whatever may be the situation, I will not be able to do the job tomorrow. I will be able to do the job only after two days'.

6. 'MIRRORING' TECHNIQUE:

This technique is based on the premise that any person would like to hear those words which he speaks quite often and the person would like to see those body posture which he himself adopts.

For example, Let us imagine that a person says "I feel it is very nice to do physical exercises. It is also very nice to have a control on your food habits, another nice thing to do is to develop some hobbies and one more nice thing is that we should read good books. Another nice thing is to develop good relationship good relationship with others, and another nice thing..., one more nice thing...". You must have got the point! In his talk, he uses the word 'nice' a number of times. You should carefully observe this point and, in your reply, in an indirect and implied manner, you should also use the word 'nice' a few times, i.e., You could reply, "I came to discuss about the statement which you gave yesterday. I have prepared the statement and i thought it is nice to indicate the percentages. Another nice thing is that instead of gross value, I have indicated net value, etc.,". Since the person listens the word 'nice' from you, he feels good. This is called 'Mirroring' technique.

Like in a mirror, you see your own image, you should reflect the other person's words or phrases in your reply. This should however be used wioth caustion. Mirroring technique should be used in a discreet, indirect and implied manner. The words or phrases in the other person's talk (which you would like to mirror) should be used in the laterpart of your communications. It should not be very obvious or evident to the other person that you are using his words and phrases to impress him. If you do so, you will be caught offguard and the person may see through you.

7. 'SELECTIVE' TECHNIQUE:
This technique should be employed when you are listening, not when you are speaking. This technique says that, like in any other aspect of life wherein we take only what we want and generally leave out what we don't want, whenever you listen to the other person you should take only useful, objective and rational statements and ignore the impulsive, irrational and irrelevant part of his talk.
Let us say a person says "It is terrible, I don't understand the way you work. I want the copy of the letter today itself. i am frustated with your style of functioning and i had a terrible time with you..". here, you find that the only logical statement which you have to take is "I need the copy of the letter today itself". So you should consider only this statement. The Other statements, if you feel are blown out of proportion or exaggerated, should be ignored.
This techniques offers following advantages:
a. You will get provoked by the impulsive statement of the other person. You will become action-oriented rather than feeling bad or sentimental about it.
b. it avoids unnecessary conflicts and arguments (which would have taken place if you had picked up the impulsive part of his statements).
c. You will retain your mental balance.
d. When you do not respond to his impulsive and irrational statements, he will also reduce avoid speaking such words or phrases to you in future.
However, adopting this technique this technique needs a great deal of self mastery, shattering of your ego and high level of discrimination and wisdom on your part. If you are a sensitive and sentimental with a high levelof ego, it is difficult to use this technique because you feel hurt, offended or provoked when you listen to his impusive and derogoratory statements. In such a case, you will react to his impulsive statements and th discussion will go off-line in a different direction resulting in arguments and conflicts. So, develop discrimination, self mastery, wisdom and shatter your ego to use this technique.

8. 'RIGHT-LEFT-RIGHT' TECHNIQUE:
Right brain is responsible for emotions and left brain for thoughts(intellect). Emotions are always more powerful and are remembered for a longer time than intellect. Emotions also directly touch your heart and create feelings which are more powerful than your thinking.
This technique is drawn from this phenomenon and it says that you should use an emotive statement followed by a professional, ligical statement and, in the end, wind up the communication with another emotive statement.
Infact, you have been using this technique, may be, unconsciously. When you meet a friend, you may say, "Hi, how are you? Here is the paper which you wanted, please go through and let me know. Bye, have a nice day". Now, you find that the statement "Hi, How are you?" is emotive in nature and "Here is the paper....." is professional/logical and "Bye! Have a nice day" is another emotive statement.
However, if you use this statement more consciously it will yield good results. Like you can say "I fully appreciate and understand your difficulties (emotive statement). I will immediately send a person to fix the problem at your end(professional/logical statement). We will do all our best to satisfy you(emotive statement)".
This technique is a little different from the Sandwich Technique in respect of the fact that in Sandwich Technique you will use an unfavourable statement in between two favourable statements, whereas in the case of 'Right-Left-Right' technique, none of the three statements need to be unfavourable. So, both the techniques should be used appropriately and judiciously.

9. 'I AM ALSO LIKE YOU' TECHNIQUE:
This technique is the reflection of the sying 'Birds of same feather flock together'. Whenever you confirm or identify the commonality between you and the other person, you tend to like each other and come closer.
For example, if a person says, "I go for walking everyday in the morning" and, in case you also walk in the morning, it is better you say, "I also love walking and I walk for 45 minutes a day in the morning. It makes me feel good when I walk". Here, the process of walking being a common activity liked by both of you, there is a great possibility of feeling good about walking and therefore feeling good about each other as well. This will bring both of you psycholigically and emotionally closer. It will provide a good platform on which further communication can take place very comfortably and nicely. So, identify as many commonalities in likes/dislikes, value systems, beliefs, etc., as possible which are common between you and the other person to build up rapport and further communication.

10. 'FLASH BACK' TECHNIQUE:
This technique believes in creating a positive mood before commencing the communication. Imagine that you and the other person had gone for a dinner last week and both of you had a very nice time discussing, speaking, joking, eating, etc., When you meet after a week, if you recall the dinner and the nice experiences you had shared, that can provide an excellent back drop and backround ever which the current discussion can take place in a pleasant and likeable manner. You could say, "Last week, the dinner we had was very nice. We had a great time and we discussed lot of things..". By this, a positive mood will be created in the mind of the other person and he may become very receptive in further communication.It is common sense that the flash back of the previous instances should be only of positive instances and not of negative experience. Recalling a negative experience will only repel the other person and will create an unfavourable platform for the current discussions.

11. 'FUNNEL' TECHNIQUE:
This technique should be used in the beginning of the communication.
The technique is to speak on some general matters before getting on to the specific point of discussion. In fact, we do use this technique unconsciously, but when we use it consciously, it has many advantages.Like, we could say “How are you? I hope everything is fine”. The other person replies “Generally OK and nice to see you again”. Now get on to the main topic like “I have come to discuss regarding the pending work..”.Using ‘Funnel” technique (i.e., speaking on general matters) has the following advantages:1. It builds up relationship.2. It provides a good platform to talk on the subject of discussion.3. More importantly, when you ask the general question and the other person answers, you can identify his current mood and mental state as reflected in his reply. Based on his mood and mental state, you can strategise your further communication and decide whether to take up the current topic for discussion and, in case if you have to take it up, what should be your style, tone, strategy, sequence, etc.,‘Funnel’ technique should be used subject to the availability of time, cultural background importance of the specific topic and your familiarity with the other person. It is called ‘funnel’ technique because the funnel has a wider side which is symbolic of the general topics and the funnel also has a narrow side which represents the discussion on the specific matter. You should also not speak about the general matter very elaborately. This may create impatience on the part of the other person and may dilute the impact of the core issue for which the communication was aimed at.

12. ‘EGO BOOSTING’ Technique:

Everyone likes appreciation and praise. All of us would like to be recognized. Based on this universal fact, this technique believes in appreciating the other person and thereby getting the job done.Like, when a person says, “I will be able to complete this job only after two days”, you could say “For a person of your caliber and experience, I feel this job is not really difficult. I am sure you can complete it tomorrow itself”. The person may feel good about your appreciation/praise and may complete the job tomorrow.At this juncture, a clear distinction should be made between appreciation and Flattery.

1. Appreciation Is genuine, but flattery is no genuine

2. Appreciation will be truthful. You will appreciate only to the extent it needs to be appreciated. But, generally flattery will be exaggerated i.e., the reality is blown out of proportion.

3. Appreciation will have no selfish motive, you will appreciate just because you felt good about it. But, Normally, flattery has a hidden agenda and a selfish motive. You are trying to trap the other person by exaggerating.

4. Appreciation makes the other person feel good. But, Flattery may make the other person feel good in the initial instances but when he sees you through and understands your ulterior motive ir hidden agenda. Your further words of flattery will not have any impact on him and he may even dislike you.Ego boosting technique clearly says that you should appreciate people and not flatter them. The idea is not to manipulate or trick the person and get your job done at his cost and to your advantage. The idea is only to make him feel good and, with that feeling of goodness, he may stretch his capabilities a little more and agree to your request.

13. ‘LEVEL RAISING’ TECHNIQUE:

This is a technique you should use when you want to escalate the matter to higher authorities when the job is not getting done at your level.The technique says that when you find that you no longer get the job done from your colleague / peer, there is a need to take up the matter to higher level i.e., either to your higher authority or his higher authority. But the technique demands that before taking up the matter with the higher authority, you should inform your colleague / peer about our doing so. Otherwise, it leads to interpersonal conflicts and consequent problems. If you go to the higher authorities without informing your colleague/peer, it creates a hurt feeling in him. He may wait for an opportunity to settle score with you by not co-operating with you in similar situation cropping up next time.So, when you really want to take up the matter with the higher authority, you could tell him “I have been discussing and following up with you from past one week. You may be having genuine difficulties to give me the details. If you don’t mind I would like to take up the matter with your/my higher authorities. I hope you will not feel bad about it”. When you say this, if the other person has genuine difficulties, he may even encourage you to go higher authorities. And if he was not co-operating with you due to his inefficiency or complacency, he would tell you not to go to higher authorities and he will clear the matter in a short time. The technique only demands that you should keep your colleague/peer informed before taking up the matter with the higher authorities.Your colleague/peer should not be caught off-guard when higher authority speaks to him and it should not be a surprise for him. This technique is important to maintain good relationship with your colleagues/peers.

14. ‘REPHRASING’ TECHNIQUE:

This technique is required to check whether you have understood the other person correctly.When a person says, “I told you to dispatch the model ‘A’ today and that model ‘B’ is not very urgent. But now, as per our revised requirement, model ‘B’ is important and model ‘A’ can wait”. Now, you would really like to understand whether he has spoken the models A and B at appropriate places and that you have heard them correctly. SO, in your response, you could rephrase and say the something like ‘In other words, you want us to dispatch model ‘B’ today and model ‘A’ later”. So, if the person has spoken correctly and you have heard him correctly, he will say ‘Yes’ and the work will go on without confusion. If there is a confusion in his speaking or in your listening or understanding, the matter gets corrected after you rephrase the message.

15. ‘MOODS MATCHING’ TECHNIQUE:

All of us are possessed by these moods at different points of time. This technique tells you to find out the mood of the other person at the point of communication and take up the matters which are conductive for the mood.

a. When the other person has Tamasik mood (Wherein you feel lethargic, uninterested, lazy), take up routine and unimportant matters and do no take up important, difficult, complex and serious topics which need lot of thinking and discussions.

b. When the other person is in Rajasik mood (Wherein you feel extremely active, restless or even aggressive, bubbling with energy), take up matters which need lot of motivation, aggressiveness and energetic thinking and do not take up routine and trivial matters.

c. When the other person is possessed by Satwik mood (Wherein you are alert and balanced), take up matters which need long term thinking, indepth observation, careful discussions and looking at the problem from all perspectives. Do not take up matters which are routine or need aggression.By taking up the matters which match the mood of the other person, the job will be got done easily since the mood is very conductive for the subject matter. However, when important matters have to be taken up, you cannot wait for the right mood of the other person. This technique should be used when there is an option to take up different subjects calling for different attitudes and moods of the other person.

16. ‘SAME-BEAT / OFF-BEAT’ TECHNIQUE:

Some people would like to be safe and follow what the majority follows and would not like to experiment (‘Same-beat’ person). Some others would like to be different, unique, adventurous and do not want to toe the line treaded by others and want to experiment (‘Off-beat’ person).You will have to find out to which category the other person belongs to and accordingly speak to him. For the ‘Same-beat’ person, you could say, “This is the most popular product and we have sold more than 20,000 pieces. Many people buy this product and hence we feel that you should also buy”. For an ‘Off-beat’ type of person, you could say “this is a very rare combination and only those people who have very good taste buy this product. You will stand out when you use this product. You will also feel and look different and unique when you use this product”.So, depending on whether the person is ‘Same-beat’ or ‘Off-beat’, you will have to use this technique to win him over and get your job done.

17. ‘REINFORCING’ TECHNIQUE:

This technique believes in building up your communication based on the statement of the other person.For example, when a person says “I need this statement very urgently and there should be no mistakes”, you could reply him “As rightly told by you, since you do not want to have any mistakes, I suggest that we put two persons on the job immediately and get it done”.Since you are hooking your requirement based on what the other person has spoken, i.e., the urgency of matter, it is more likely that he agrees to your request. Normally, reinforcing statements will start with ‘As told by you, ‘As informed by you’. Etc., This is the way you build up your case as a logical extension of his statement.

18. ‘QUESTIONING’ TECHNIQUE:

Normally there are 4 types of questioning.

a. OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS: These are asked to build up rapport and to know the opinion of the other person. They are quite general in nature.EX: ‘What do you think of the future of Indian economy?’

b. CLOSE-ENDED QUESTIONS: These are asked to get specific answers.EX: ‘Would you like to have a cup of coffee or tea?’ or ‘Who is the current president of India?’

c. LEADING QUESTIONS: Here, you ask a series of questions to identify the sequence and build up your point. They are also used to investigate the matter.

d. LOADED QUESTIONS: These are those questions where you would like to get the expected response. EX: ‘How did you find this book’ is a Open Ended Question. Whereas, if you ask a question like ‘Did you find the book interesting?’ is a Loaded Question. In the question ‘Did you find the book interesting?’, you expect him to answer ‘Yes”. Normally, these questions are used to influence the other person and make him answer the way you would like him to.The right questioning technique should be used at appropriate times depending on the objectives indicated above. Proper questioning is an art and gives great advantage to improve your efficiency in communication and achieve the desired result.

19. ‘PROFESSIONAL DISTANCE’ TECHNIQUE:

It is important to maintain the required professional, healthy distance with your colleagues, peers, bosses and sub-ordinates. If you become very intimate and personal with them, it may result in the following situations:

a. The other person may take you for granted.

b. You may not be able to exercise your authority when needed.

c. The other person may emotionally black mail you.This technique says that whenever you feel that the other person is coming psychologically and emotionally close to you and you fear that this relationship is going to affect your professional relationship with him/her, you should consciously maintain the requisite professional distance by being formal and not discussion very intimate and personal matters with him/her. You may even physically cut off from him/her for sometime to ensure that the requisite healthy professional distance is restored and maintained.